What Noom?

I got this Noom application from Google Play, an Android app to help me lose weight. It has been a month, and I lost six pounds. I have tried other applications and methods before, but I like this one the most so far. It helps me roughly track my calorie intake from good food to not so good food that I should limit. Take a peek, here. If you have an Android phone, it does not cost you extra to use the free app. It gives me daily motivation and reminds me to walk daily. I use it with an exercise app. I will write about that later.

For those of you in treatment, chemo or radiation, it may not be good time to lose weight even if you want to. You need all the nutrients to replenish damaged cells. That means eating more nutritious foods that you can tolerate and keep down.

Remember to hydrate yourself. Chemo, especially dries you out. I still struggle with this. My dentist said my mouth is too dry. I stopped using Biotene toothpaste thinking I no longer need it. But here I am. I just  had one tooth prepared for a crown. I don’t mind a real crown for a queen. For it’s cost ($1,200), it might be very well wearable on top of my head sparkling gold with diamonds so I can show it off. But no, it has to be for my tooth. Grr…

My dentist thinks the cavity (along the gumline) started because of mouth dryness and poor brushing in the area. Well, I believe him. For months during chemo, my mouth and gums felt raw. The electric toothbrush I have been using for years suddenly became unbearable. It felt like my teeth would all fall off from the vibration. I was using this extra soft toothbrush ever so carefully for months but apparently, the gentle strokes did not get the bugs and plaque off my teeth, oh well.

Till next time.

Take care of yourselves.

I Need You Back

Bald on April 2

Still Bald on May 10

It has been more than five weeks since my last chemo. My head looks as bald as before with no obvious signs of hair  “come back”–hair that I need so badly. Why? It is almost summer. My wigs, however breathable, feel like heater on the top of my head. My daughter prefers I have some form of hair on my head. I like the looks of myself better with wig or hair…

Paul asks me if I need a microscope as he often catches me an inch away from the mirror, scrutinizing anything black-looking on my bald. Is that new hair? No, just fuzz, fuzz, fuzz like lint from the drier. Maybe if I stop checking, my hair will grow overnight?

My oncologist said that with Taxotere in particular which is hard on the hair, growth may not be expected until after four to seven weeks. I should be patient. Oh well.

The good news from my last oncologist visit is because I had bilateral mastectomy, I don’t need mammogram ever. That is a relief. I hated that feeling of my chests being squeezed as flat as  pancakes. Yikes. No more feeling like my breasts would pop any second…

I passed the physical exam with flying colors. No lumps, no suspicious growth except for a mole on my forearm. She wants me to see a dermatologist for that. It is looking green and swollen with uneven edges. Easily fixable, I think. Chance is, it will be removed. I can easily endure that.

I will have every four-month visits to my oncologist from now on. Any bone pain, chest pain, trunk pain…I will report. Any cough and shortness of breath that linger, I should phone to the oncology department. Why? Because breast cancer, if it spreads, usually goes to the bone, lungs, or liver first. Something to keep in mind. This is my new normal. I have to listen to my body. I cannot take any pain or discomfort for granted.

Oh well, life could be worse, right? Although it is premature, I feel like a 50% survivor. Maybe with hair added, 75%?

Cancer and Stress

Bilateral mastectomy done. Chemotherapy done. Radiation not needed. All for my stage 1 ductal carcinoma triple negative type. Now what? Do I need more frequent mammogram? Of what? Of my abdominal fat/tissue that is now my chest? Do I need to have MRI or cat scans? I will find out on my next oncology appointment this month.

Lately, I have been so stressed with my kids. Gone were the post hospitalization days when they actually missed me and were extra sweet and thoughtful. I get to the point that it is no longer fun and rewarding to be a mother. My kids–a teen son (13) and preteen little lady (12) drive me insane to the point that I have crying and screaming pits. One night, I called the police to report my son missing. He failed to go home by six and went home at nine fifteen at night because he “did not realize what time it was.” He had his watch on. My daughter made me upset too. I found out, she had been throwing organic milk and sandwiches in the trash to get food from the cafeteria, running the cafeteria account balance to negative without telling me…My aunt who was visiting comments I don’t need this kind of stress. Stress is not good for me. It can cause my cancer to go back, she says. She may be right. I have to reduce this stress somehow. I need to learn to effectively discipline my kids. Maybe I should check into love and logic.

Aside from the family stress, I have been feeling good physically. I began to tackle my yard and the numerous dandelions and weeds that invaded my abandoned lawn. My kids and I filled up eight trash bags full of weeds and prunings. Imagine that? I walk the dog more too, mostly with auntie who’s visiting me. She will leave tomorrow after helping me declutter the garage, kitchen, kids’ rooms, and the living room. I will miss her.

I have accomplished some things. Cancer treatment is one of them. Soon, I will get Children Discipline 101 down (and done) as well. Oh, well.

Not Sad About Cancer

Inside the lower level United States Air Force Academy chapel . I attended the mass on Spring Break here where it was slow and there was only a few people.

 

It is the third of April. After the warm days of spring comes a cold snowy day–April snow. I had to scrape the snow from my windshield this morning before driving home.

 

I had a good night at work–two stable patients kept me busy but not crazy busy. The pace gave me enough time to enjoy the potluck we had for a nurse who is leaving. I brought barbecue chicken from King Soopers which I transferred to a rectangular Pyrex container to make it look “homemade.” Someone said I made delicious barbecue. I wanted to not confess I bought it but I was afraid she was going to ask for the recipe so I told the truth. Haha.

 

Deviled eggs, barbecue pulled pork, potato salad, Cole slaw, creamed corn, carrot cake, and raspberry dessert filled my tummy. I use the excuse “I have to prepare for my nausea days” when I can’t eat as much. Never mind about fat. I will deal with it later, in May, just before summer and after my chemo. As I mentioned before, I weigh my heaviest, only less heavy when I was pregnant. No regrets. I am eating more in purpose.

 

I had my super short wig with red highlights again. Two phlebotomists complimented me one after another. “Nice haircut,” they say.

 

Outside the chapel

“You know I am bald, right? This is not my hair. I lost my hair from chemo.”

 

Funny they were not together but they spoke the same words.

 

“Oh, I am sorry, I didn’t know.”

 

“It’s OK. My prognosis is good. I am doing great.”

 

I mean it. I feel great. I have accepted the breast cancer. I am not sad about it anymore.

 

Don’t be unhappy for me. Just wish me well and pray for me.

 

Spring, Swing, and Sting

Nice to wake up and find delicious breakfast is served for you and family at Bed and Breakfast.

Spring has arrived, so has the Glory of the Snow from the bulbs I planted years ago. Yearly, the bulbs bring on these cute star-shaped flowers in my front yard. My hay fever started too. Disappointingly, the Loratadin antihistamine I take for bone pain (unlabeled use) does not work for it. I now take generic Zyrtec with Sudafed. I found out, anything with Sudafed cannot be found over the counter anymore, at least not in Walgreens. I had to get in from the pharmacy, and I had to show my ID. They keep tract of how much of it customers buy, they say. How much does one need to make Methamphetamine out of it? I don’t know. I just want to relieve my sneezing, itchy nose and eyes, and clogged runny nose. Achoo. Bless me.

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The Living Room at Bed and Breakfast

I took the kids one and a half hours south for spring break last weekend. Staying low-key with a shoestring budget, Paul and I walked around the scenic surroundings. I had to ask him to slow down for me as I could not keep up. Having less energy on a higher elevation (over one thousand feet higher than home) I found myself panting. Twenty minutes walking outdoors was enough for me.

Play House

My children played in the tall wooden playhouse by the tree, rock climbed the outside walls, and swung on homemade swings while scooping mint and pecan ice-cream to their mouths. We also went to a recreation center with an indoor wave pool, slide, and lazy river. I did not go to the slide but the last few minutes, I dipped in the wave pool and tried to fight the waves. This was my resistance training; I convinced myself, fighting the waves, and stiffening my body so I don’t get pushed away.

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I can taste food again. No more metallic tastes. For meals, we had breakfast at the Bed and Breakfast place where we slept. Eggs Benedict, then waffles and strawberries satisfied us. I don’t make these at home, so they serve as great treats. In between I made simple lunches to save money. When the kids got tired of egg and sausage sandwiches I prepared, we ate out at Chilis with my spring break coupon and spent twenty dollars for chicken fajita, two kids’ meals, and a hot chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream drizzled with caramel and chocolate syrup.

windy day, glad my wig did not get blown away

Mexican Food

Another time, we ate a Mexican restaurant. Recommended by Yelp people, we enjoyed two smothered burritos and a hot, cream-filled Churro with whipped cream. That cost us twenty dollars too. We also ate in a Filipino deli, the only Filipino restaurant in town. Paul ate with us then, and with four of us, we spent fifty dollars. For the-trying-to-be frugal me, it hurt to pay that much for mediocre food. We thought I made better tasting Pancit noodles, and pork and chicken stews than what we had there. The desert shaved ice we call Halu-halo lacked the usual amount of beans and sweetened fruits. It tasted just OK. Of course, all of us ordered drinks with the meal which raised the bill. Oh, well.

Western Museum

Lastly, we visited the Western mining museum and learned about early and later mining equipment, steam engines, etc. We did not spent so much time outdoors for my fear of excessive sun exposure for my chemo-sun-sensitive skin and gusty wig-blowing wind. Besides, my pollen allergy bothered me a lot. My eyes looked red and felt itchy.

mining

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I have to share my mental sting that I can’t get off my mind. Yesterday after my shift, I visited a coworker in the hospital with multiple myeloma. He died in the afternoon, due a complication with a head bleed–a bad stroke after bone marrow transplant. Somehow, I saw myself in him yesterday morning. He had no hair like me and had dark-brown skin. He is also in his forties. I fear that what happened to him can happen to me. Just last week, my blood test showed an elevated D-dimer that may mean clot. What if I get clot in my brain? Clots can cause stroke too. Am I also going to die soon? I should not think this way. God please help me.

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I have just received a Get Well card from a friend with a note of mass offering, and a gift check. Today, a friend from church brought me Easter boxes from volunteers. In previous years, my family gave donations to the needy before Easter. This year, I received the boxes of food and a gift card. The boxes plus two bags are filled with canned goods, staples like sugar, eggs, and sweet treats. Next year, I hope to be strong again and be blessed with extra cash so I can again start buying food for the less fortunate. For now, I won’t turn any help down especially because I have not received my disability check yet. A few days ago, I received a promise that the insurance company will send me a check in a separate mail. It has been a few days and my check is NOT in the mail. Three pay periods later and I still don’t have my disability check. Hmp.

Thank goodness I have friends who care especially in this time of need.